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Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.