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And then her mood ring just...exploded
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
You had me at 0 mutual friends
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.