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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Some days Iād like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"