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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?