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Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars