Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Be good ... or I will text Santa
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"