Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.