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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.