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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.