Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.