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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??