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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
I put the hot in psychotic.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.