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It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.