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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...