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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?