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Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)