Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.