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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.