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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.