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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.