Daily Silly Status

Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.

I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.

My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.

my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....

I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.

Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.

Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.

So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?

Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."

Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?

My memory foam has amnesia

I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.

I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)