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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion