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Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.