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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.