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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.