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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.