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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."