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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.