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"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
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"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!