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Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...