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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.