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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"