Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
The fox says you need to stop.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
why we do not have a romance class...............
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?