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So many rules; so little time to break them.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.