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The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?