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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Smelling another person should be a choice.