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No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.