Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what