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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.