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People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?