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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.