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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!