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Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping