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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel