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I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!