Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Tieam... problem solved