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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work