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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.