Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.