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It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I grew up for this?
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.