Daily Silly Status

That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off

Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.

I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.

Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?

I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!

I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.

I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?

Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.

I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol

I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!

Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.

I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.

Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.