Daily Silly Status

A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.

I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.

The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.

I love you more than I hate everyone else.

I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!

Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.

If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.

When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.

It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.

So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.

I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!

One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.

Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.

A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.