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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.