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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift